Okay, explain again why "Irradiated Milk" is supposed to sound appealing?

Can you feel your arteries harden while you're reading this? My favourite part is where you're supposed to wrap bacon strips around each individual meatball. Assuming they're sort of average-sized meatballs, and you're working with 3 pounds of meat, my guess is you'd end up with at least 60 of them. Even if you were only using half a strip of bacon on each one, that's still an awful lot of bacon, my friend. I like the way they weasel out of that by not specifying that you have to buy, say, two 1-pound packages of bacon to complete the recipe. My second favourite part is where they tell you to add salt to the gravy. Twice.

You instinctively know a recipe that calls itself "mock" anything is bad news, right? Why anyone would take the time to painstakingly shape ground meat to simulate chicken legs is beyond me. I'm a little disappointed by the absence of Irradiated Milk. A dish like this doesn't seem complete without a super-creamy gravy liberally seasoned with salt.

 

I didn't bother scanning in the recipe. Really, is there anyone out there who would want to make it? Gelatin-based atrocities seem almost too easy a target for mockery, but this one looked so gross I had to include it. I'm a little puzzled by the description of the garnish as "onion cups filled with buttered carrots, bits of cranberry marmalade and parsley." Cookbook photos deteriorate over time, yes, but that's just unreal.

This beauty is most notable for its garnishes and for the way in which food colouring is used with gleeful abandon. The orangey stuff is apricot-flavoured while the green stuff is...Pineapple Milk Sherbet? Maybe someone thought the natural pale yellow colour of pineapple would be bland, but this is no solution. Personally, I'd think twice about accepting a slice of cake that looked like it was half-covered in guacamole.